STORY REVIEW AND EDITING

TODAY YOU WILL RETURN TO YOUR STORY IN A WORKSHOP SETTING.  HERE IS HOW IT WILL WORK:

1.  GROUPS OF 4
2.  EACH WRITER WILL READ THEIR STORY TO THE GROUP
3.  MEMBERS OF THE GROUP WILL CAREFULLY LISTEN AND JOT DOWN IDEAS,         NOTES, QUESTIONS OF CLARIFICATION

(YOU WILL HAVE A "HOW TO BE A GOOD WORKSHOP BUDDY FORM TO USE AS A GUIDE AND TO MAKE NOTES THAT YOU WILL THEN HAND TO THE WRITER.

4. WHEN YOUR GROUP HAS CAREFULLY LISTENED TO EACH WRITER AND HANDED OVER THE NOTES, YOU WILL THEN RETURN TO YOUR STORY TO:

• REVIEW
• REWRITE
• REVISE

If we have time, we will have a book talk at the end of class.

POEM XViii Tone Essay

PLEASE USE THIS LINK TO BEGIN YOUR ESSAY ON THE TONE OF THE POEM

POEM ESSAY

TONE and Kahlil Gibran Poem

Mood and Tone Practice from Lina Ell

TONE AND MOOD PRACTICE

Today you will finish annotation the Kahlil Gibran poem, "PEACE XVIII"

Then, write and essay about how Gibran sets the tone for his piece.

1. Introduction

2. Look at each passage in the poem and how the tone may stay the same or how it might change

3. Provide a summing it up conclusion about the overall tone of the piece.

The Awesome World of Annotation

THE AWESOME WORLD OF ANNOTATION

TODAY dive into the awesome world of annotation by:

1. Understanding what it is and what it is not
2.  Looking a a few examples 
3.  Annotating an article together 

FIRST - have a look at these examples, what do you notice?

Annotation Beginnings

TODAY WE WILL BEGIN LEARNING ABOUT ANNOTATION.

FIRST 

You an a partner will annotate this poem about PEACE - I will give you a hard coppy:

Peace Xviii - Poem by Khalil Gibran

The tempest calmed after bending the branches of the trees and leaning heavily upon the grain in the field. The stars appeared as broken remnants of lightning, but now silence prevailed over all, as if Nature's war had never been fought.

At that hour a young woman entered her chamber and knelt by her bed sobbing bitterly. Her heart flamed with agony but she could finally open her lips and say, "Oh Lord, bring him home safely to me. I have exhausted my tears and can offer no more, oh Lord, full of love and mercy. My patience is drained and calamity is seeking possession of my heart. Save him, oh Lord, from the iron paws of War; deliver him from such unmerciful Death, for he is weak, governed by the strong. Oh Lord, save my beloved, who is Thine own son, from the foe, who is Thy foe. Keep him from the forced pathway to Death's door; let him see me, or come and take me to him."

Quietly a young man entered. His head was wrapped in bandage soaked with escaping life.

He approached he with a greeting of tears and laughter, then took her hand and placed against it his flaming lips. And with a voice with bespoke past sorrow, and joy of union, and uncertainty of her reaction, he said, "Fear me not, for I am the object of your plea. Be glad, for Peace has carried me back safely to you, and humanity has restored what greed essayed to take from us. Be not sad, but smile, my beloved. Do not express bewilderment, for Love has power that dispels Death; charm that conquers the enemy. I am your one. Think me not a specter emerging from the House of Death to visit your Home of Beauty.

"Do not be frightened, for I am now Truth, spared from swords and fire to reveal to the people the triumph of Love over War. I am Word uttering introduction to the play of happiness and peace."

Then the young man became speechless and his tears spoke the language of the heart; and the angels of Joy hovered about that dwelling, and the two hearts restored the singleness which had been taken from them.

At dawn the two stood in the middle of the field contemplating the beauty of Nature injured by the tempest. After a deep and comforting silence, the soldier said to his sweetheart, "Look at the Darkness, giving birth to the Sun.

Revision

REVISION OF YOUR STORY

“Throw up into your typewriter every morning. Clean up every noon.”
― Raymond Chandler

Many of you have a goal to expand your ideas.  Let's brainstorm how you can expand your ideas in simple ways.  A good place to start is with the expansion of your sentences so that they provide more details to your reader.  We will go over a passage, looking how to improve the sentences below and think about how to make them more descriptive.  And, we will look at sentences, tone, and purpose.

This is a short, unedited, first draft passage of, An Unfulfilled Life by Donna Moreau (I'll give you a hard copy to work with.

INSTRUCTIONS – with a partner

1.      Identify the types and structures of sentences.  If you do this correctly, you will notice that there are a couple of structural problems – mostly dependent clauses.

2.     What is the tone of this paragraph?  Circle the words that set the tone.

3.     What is the purpose of this section? 

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Once, when we lived in a Quonset hut in Japan, before my younger sister was born, she displayed motherly instincts.  Thousands of Quonset huts were manufactured during WWII.  They were made of corrugated, galvanized steel and could be thrown up quickly and without ceremony anywhere in the world the US military stakes residence. They look like rippled tubing, cut in half - a semi-circle of efficiency.  The Quonset hut screamed grey unlimited coldness and (were shaped like a tin can cut in half, lengthwise). Insulation was a problem and often the huts were placed on concrete slabs.  The opposite of a Hobbit house where warm fires and colorful decor created a cozy and welcoming atmosphere. Where outsides were surrounded by bright flowers, velvety moss-covered roofs set in a land kissed by a warm, cheerful sun.  They were bitterly cold in the winter, swelteringly hot in the summer and hard to make cozy, but one of them was our home in the mid-1950s at the Kuma Station, Chitose Military Base, Hokkaido, Japan.

After this lesson, you will take out your story along with your goal setting sheet, open your computer and improve your writing.

ASSESSMENT ALERT

 THURSDAY AND FRIDAY. 
BE PREPARED FOR AN ASSESSMENT ON 

• SENTENCE STRUCTURES, TYPES, 
• PARTS OF SPEECH, 
• INDEPENDENT AND DEPENDENT CLAUSES.

Single-Point Short Story Rubric

Name___________________Block_____Title of Short Story_____________________________________________Short Story Rubric

CRITERIA	CONCERNS Areas That Need Attention	Meets Standard Standards for Mastery Level for this Performance	ADVANCED Evidence of Insightful/exceptional/going Beyond what is Expected Performance
Engaging and Orienting the Reader		Consistently engages the reader by ·       writing an amazing, attention grabbing hook, ·       creating characters that the reader is emotionally connected, ·       describing a setting that is vivid with details.
Creating a Narrative		Consistently moves the story forward by ·       using all the elements of the dramatic arc as an organizing pattern, ·       writing essential dialogue, ·       clearly establishing dynamic (those who grow/change) and static (perhaps important, but do not change) characters through the events in the story, ·       using detailed language to describe characters and setting – and/or to evoke the senses in the reader (painting them a picture with words).
Use of the Language/Vocabulary		Clearly creates a world with word choices and descriptions.
Writing a Satisfying Resolution that also Reveals a THEME		Clearly concludes the story by ·       wrapping up all the conflicts, ·       taking the dynamic character on a journey that changes him/her, ·       leaving the reader with the ability to answer the question, “WHAT UNIVERSAL MESSAGE WILL THE READER WALK AWAY WITH AFTER READING THE STORY?”.

Where does your writing fall on this rubric?  Carefully highlight areas where you believe you have mastered.  Write explicitly where you need work and where you exceed.